Friday 4 March 2011

England 2014: A Complete Guess

It’s the eve of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil and England manager Gianfranco Zola has named his 24-man squad. The Italian has done well to pick up the pieces after Alan Shearer’s torrid spell in charge and, after sneaking into the tournament with a 2-1 aggregate win over Estonia in the qualifying play-offs, England are sure to be amongst the favourites for the competition. (In England, at least). Here’s that squad in full, starting with a complete guess at Zola’s likely first XI:

1. Manuel Almunia (Arsenal, 37 years-old) – The evergreen goalkeeper has been in the form of his life at the Volviva (formerly Emirates) Arena this season, but it’s easy to forget that he used to be Spanish. Since becoming the first player to be capped by England by virtue of a written exam, Almunia has made the number 28 jersey his own, earning the nickname “David Si, Man!” in the process.

2. Glen Johnson (Tottenham Hotspur, 29 years-old)
– The attacking right-back has been something of a southern nomad throughout his career, ending up at White Hart Lane via West Ham, Chelsea, Portsmouth and QPR. Whether fighting relegation or pushing for the European spots (all at Spurs, and usually in the same season), Johnson can still be relied upon to offer attacking thrust and has dramatically improved the defensive side of his game, which was so badly exposed during QPR’s disastrous relegation from the Premier League under Jamie Redknapp in 2012.

3. Leighton Baines (Everton, 29 years-old)
– Another relatively elder statesman in an inexperienced England squad, Baines was signed for Everton by David Moyes and has continued to flourish under the management of Phil Neville. With a tireless engine and a sweet left foot, fans will be hoping that he recovers in time from an injury inflicted by a wild challenge from Grimsby Town’s Kevin Nolan.

4. Jack Rodwell (Zenit St Petersburg, 23 years-old)
– Rodwell was a 21 year-old midfielder when Russian giants Zenit paid Everton £58m for his services in 2012 but reverting to his original position of centre-half has been the making of Rodwell as an England player. Unerring composure and an excellent range of passing count amongst his many talents, and he’s sure to have his pick of clubs if, as rumoured, Zenit are relegated to the Ukranian league for the attempted assassination of an assistant referee.

5. Gary Cahill (Liverpool, 28 years-old) – How Aston Villa must still be kicking themselves for letting this talented centre-half leave so easily in 2008. After excelling at the now defunct Bolton Wanderers, Liverpool came knocking and brought him to the Estadio del Stanley Park for £30.25m in 2013. He has since picked up runners-up medals in 2 Europa Cup finals and a Compare-the-Market.com Cup final, as the Merseysiders begin to pay back the vast karmic debt that has built up throughout their illustrious history.

6. Tom Huddlestone (Real Madrid, 27 years-old) – When Real raided Spurs for Huddlestone after failing to push through deals for Lee Cattermole and Dickson Etuhu, few would have predicted that he would go on to have so much success at the Bernabeu Arena Sponsored By Powergen. Sitting deep and spraying balls around, occasionally thumping one home from long range (his powerful, low free-kicks ensure that he won’t be the only one preparing for ‘dead balls’), Huddlestone has helped Real qualify from the Eurochampionfest group stages on no less than two occasions, scoring a memorable late equaliser against MK Dons in 2012. (MK Dons went on to win 3-1).




Gerrard...not the force he was at Liverpool

7. Jack Wilshere (Arsenal, 22 years-old) – Another member of David Moyes’ all-conquering Arsenal side, left-footed Wilshere is a defender’s nightmare when cutting in from his new position of right midfield. His equaliser from a last-minute free-kick against Poland ensured that England made the play-offs and, given license to roam, he is sure to…well, roam. His inclusion should continue to rile those who are lobbying for David Beckham to be handed his 200th cap.

8. Steven Gerrard (Manchester City, 34 years-old) – Gerrard became the world’s most expensive footballer when he joined City for £153.34m in 2011 but he has never quite managed to recapture the form he showed for Liverpool. Nevertheless, he remains a pivotal cog for England, even if he has never quite managed to replicate on the international stage the form he showed for Liverpool. At 34, he is no spring chicken but the Three Lions have to be in with a chance if Gerrard can recapture the spark that made him such a force to be reckoned with for Liverpool.

9. Theo Walcott (Arsenal, 25 years-old)
– It may feel like Walcott has been at Arsenal forever but he is still only 25. Whether racing clear of central defenders as a striker, or filling in for fans’ favourite Emmanuel Eboue on the right wing, Walcott has just about lived up to his early hype and is sure to be brimming with confidence after his all-important winner against Estonia. Needs one more international goal to equal Peter Crouch’s post-World-War-III record of 6.

10. Wayne Rooney (Spartak Moscow, 28 years-old)
– The Croxteth conjurer carried England almost single-handedly at times during their rocky qualifying campaign – especially when he had to play with just a single hand, having shattered a knuckle after punching a particularly lippy Icelandic defender in the face. Fortunately, the referee did not see the incident as he had also been punched by Rooney. Fans will hope he is able to play through the legal wrangles hanging over him after he got confused reading his latest ghost-written autobiography and accidentally sued himself for libel.

11. Ashley Young (Manchester United, 28 years-old) – Capable of turning opponents inside out on his day, the former Watford and Aston Villa winger has flattered to deceive since replacing Ryan Giggs at Old Trafford. So much so, in fact, that United boss Mark Hughes has been overheard making petty and disparaging remarks about Young behind his back. A source close to Young has confirmed that he in turn likes to make fun of Hughes for “looking a bit like Father Ted”. “This is what happens when you get towards the end of an already rather flimsy article,” said a club spokesperson.

THE SQUAD IN FULL

Goalkeepers – Manuel Almunia (Arsenal), Joe Hart (MK Dons), Ben Foster (Glasgow Celtic)
Defenders – Jack Rodwell (Zenit St Petersburg), John Terry (QPR), Gary Cahill (Liverpool), Gavin Hoyte (West Ham United), Mark Beevers (Manchester United), Leighton Baines (Everton), Glen Johnson (Tottenham Hotspur), Joleon Lescott (Arsenal)


Midfielders – Jack Wilshere (Arsenal), John Bostock (MK Dons), Tom Huddlestone (Real Madrid), Dan Gosling (Galatasaray), Jacob Mellis (Chelsea), Steven Gerrard (Manchester City), Ashley Young (Manchester United)

Strikers – Danny Welbeck (Manchester United), Wayne Rooney (Spartak Moscow), Jose Baxter (Liverpool), Freddie Sears (Chelsea), Theo Walcott (Arsenal)

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