Footballers: they’re only human. They can’t fly or walk on water. They don’t urinate wine. They listen to Phil Collins*. And some of them wuv their Snuffykins, yes they do!
Did You Smash It? attempts to list the Top Ten Football Animals/Pets before straying into decidedly iffy territory towards the end. Oh, and we’re not including Pickles, the dog who found the Jules Rimet trophy – he’s reaped his fair share of plaudits already…
1. Roy Keane’s Labrador Triggs – Keane’s pooch, who may or may not be named after Trigger from Only Fools And Horses, made quite a name for himself when he was involved in a heated exchange between the former Manchester United captain and a neighbour in March. Triggs also courted controversy for an apparently pre-meditated attack on the postman. “I'd waited long enough,” he growled. “I f***ing bit him hard. His balls were there (I think). Take that you c***. And don't ever stand over me, you know, posting letters and that.” Frightening stuff.
2. Duncan Ferguson’s pigeons – Those who knew the former Everton striker well would attest to the notion that he played football in order to finance his true passion – pigeon fancying. (That means racing them, so quiet at the back.) The legend has it that, after being sold to Newcastle in 1998, he waited and waited for his pigeons to return to their new home. However, they had flown back to their previous home - as, eventually, did Ferguson.
3. Michael Owen’s horses – The occasional Manchester United striker set up his own racing stable in 2007, on the 160 acre site of a former dairy farm. But suggestions that he cares more these days for his horses than his football are entirely wide of the mark. In fact, ‘caring more about football’ is one of his most sellable brand values, along with ‘never injured’, ‘looks sharp in a suit’ and ‘does a mean karaoke rendition of Lola’.
4. Andy Van Der Meyde’s dog Mac – The sadly washed-up Dutch winger’s pedigree Dogue de Bordeaux (!) was stolen, along with his Ferrari and Mini Cooper cars, by burglars that broke into his home in 2006. Eager to see that Mac was returned safely, Everton responded by offering the burglars an exchange package of £1.25m plus Andy Van Der Meyde.**
5. Jose Mourinho’s Yorkshire terrier Leya – In 2007, the vaguely Jack Dee-looking former Chelsea boss was arrested and cautioned for refusing to let police put Leya into quarantine. Bafflingly, Mourinho’s mutt was initially reported as being named Gullit. “That’s just Ruud,” he might have said. (Pause for tumbleweed) The self-styled ‘Special One’ then boasted that he’d sent Leya to St Tropez. The Sun reported that Leya was flown back to Portugal on a private jet at a cost of £20,000. For a fuller overview of what might have happened, simply type ‘Jose Mourinho dog’ into Google and marvel at one of the most entertaining array of headlines you’re ever likely to see on a single subject.
Did You Smash It? attempts to list the Top Ten Football Animals/Pets before straying into decidedly iffy territory towards the end. Oh, and we’re not including Pickles, the dog who found the Jules Rimet trophy – he’s reaped his fair share of plaudits already…
1. Roy Keane’s Labrador Triggs – Keane’s pooch, who may or may not be named after Trigger from Only Fools And Horses, made quite a name for himself when he was involved in a heated exchange between the former Manchester United captain and a neighbour in March. Triggs also courted controversy for an apparently pre-meditated attack on the postman. “I'd waited long enough,” he growled. “I f***ing bit him hard. His balls were there (I think). Take that you c***. And don't ever stand over me, you know, posting letters and that.” Frightening stuff.
2. Duncan Ferguson’s pigeons – Those who knew the former Everton striker well would attest to the notion that he played football in order to finance his true passion – pigeon fancying. (That means racing them, so quiet at the back.) The legend has it that, after being sold to Newcastle in 1998, he waited and waited for his pigeons to return to their new home. However, they had flown back to their previous home - as, eventually, did Ferguson.
3. Michael Owen’s horses – The occasional Manchester United striker set up his own racing stable in 2007, on the 160 acre site of a former dairy farm. But suggestions that he cares more these days for his horses than his football are entirely wide of the mark. In fact, ‘caring more about football’ is one of his most sellable brand values, along with ‘never injured’, ‘looks sharp in a suit’ and ‘does a mean karaoke rendition of Lola’.
4. Andy Van Der Meyde’s dog Mac – The sadly washed-up Dutch winger’s pedigree Dogue de Bordeaux (!) was stolen, along with his Ferrari and Mini Cooper cars, by burglars that broke into his home in 2006. Eager to see that Mac was returned safely, Everton responded by offering the burglars an exchange package of £1.25m plus Andy Van Der Meyde.**
5. Jose Mourinho’s Yorkshire terrier Leya – In 2007, the vaguely Jack Dee-looking former Chelsea boss was arrested and cautioned for refusing to let police put Leya into quarantine. Bafflingly, Mourinho’s mutt was initially reported as being named Gullit. “That’s just Ruud,” he might have said. (Pause for tumbleweed) The self-styled ‘Special One’ then boasted that he’d sent Leya to St Tropez. The Sun reported that Leya was flown back to Portugal on a private jet at a cost of £20,000. For a fuller overview of what might have happened, simply type ‘Jose Mourinho dog’ into Google and marvel at one of the most entertaining array of headlines you’re ever likely to see on a single subject.
Keane...yoghurty beard
6. Liam Lawrence’s dog – In September of the 2007-08 season, Stoke City winger Lawrence was ruled out of his side’s clash with Portsmouth when he injured his ankle tripping over his pet pooch. Former Barnsley left-back Darren Barnard is also worthy of a mention here, having injured himself slipping on some urine left lovingly on the kitchen floor by his hound.
7. Djibril Cisse’s cat and parrot – No, that’s not the name of a pub…Cisse’s just an animal lover. While at Liverpool, the French striker banned hunting on his estate in Cheshire.
8. Stuart Pearce’s daughter’s stuffed toy horse Beanie – Tenuous? Pah. In 2006, then Manchester City manager Pearce’s seven year-old daughter Chelsea insisted that Beanie join her daddy on the touchline for a game against West Ham and he reluctantly agreed. City won 2-0, so Beanie remained for the following week’s trip to Everton which yielded a last-minute equaliser and was not relinquished as a lucky charm until City’s unbeaten run was ended.
9. Edmundo and Pedrinho the monkey – In 1999, Brazilian striker Edmundo – nicknamed ‘The Animal’ – faced prosecution from animal welfare groups after getting a chimpanzee named Pedrinho drunk on beer and whiskey. Edmundo had hired a circus to perform in his back garden to celebrate his son’s first birthday. Two elephants were also in attendance.
10. Garrincha and the goat – Legend has it that, aged just 11 and unable to attract a consenting mate, the Brazil great lost his virginity to a goat. He also apparently fathered fourteen kids. Er…fourteen children, that is.
(* Okay, that is quite inhuman.)
(**Ah, it’s fine, Mac turned up safely. And apparently he is the same rare breed as Hooch in the Tom Hanks Turner and Hooch film. Have that, pedigree dog related Fact Fans…)
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