By now you’ll have ordered your Liverpool inflatable beach ball and quite possibly have hurled it at a penalty area of your choosing in the hope of creating your own little piece of football history. But what manner of fun – or, if you’re really lucky, love - can your money buy from the rest of the Premier League’s online stores? Well, Did You Smash It? has had a look around for you, so sit back and mull over our Top Ten: Premier League Club Merchandise…
Arsenal cat bowl
Because Arsene Wenger thinks your moggy isn’t getting enough carbohydrates. Move over Whiskas, say hello to chicken and pasta…
Aston Villa bin
Or “bedroom tidy” if, like Villa’s online shop, you think it makes more sense to call it that. The perfect receptacle in which to dispose of any lingering Gareth Barry or James Milner memorabilia, or an ideal port-a-loo for Birmingham City supporters.
Burnley hair straighteners
To smooth out any unwanted, er, Coyles. Ideal for the lass who is more Braun than brain.
Chelsea table football table
I didn’t think it was possible to concede from a set-piece in table football, until I played a game with these one-paced, harpooned, spinning no-hopers.
Liverpool umbrella
For when you walk through the storm.
Sunderland tape measure
Bet you wish you’d thought of it first. Support Sunderland? Need to measure something? Well then, consider this ingeniously-conceived product, which has been “manufactured to EEC Class 2 Standard”. Whatever that means.
Wigan Athletic bookmark
Attention Latics fans! You need no longer live in fear of losing your place in that Dostoevsky novel! In fact, courtesy of this splendid product, all Wiganers need fear now are the terrifying existential crises which result from all those Albert Camus books they’ve been reading over their half-time pies.
Portsmouth tubular cushion
Welcome to the Fratton Park fire sale – everything must go! Diarra, Defoe, Crouch, Johnson, Distin, Muntari, Davis, Campbell, Krankjar…and, now, this luxurious tubular cushion. Place your order now, before Spurs buy them all.
Birmingham City memorial vase
Blues fan? Lost a loved one? Well, what are you waiting for? For just £19.99 you can have this beautiful memorial vase - and, what’s more, every thousandth vase has been personally signed by Keith Fahey. (Only joking.) But seriously, how heartbreaking is the accompanying picture? Really puts those Stoke City golf tees in perspective.
Hull City dog T-shirt
As modelled here by Phil Brown.
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