Sit back, relax and let Did You Smash It? guide you gently through another of our warm, soothing Top Ten lists. First up: Footballers’ Nicknames. Yes, that’ll do...
1. Cetin ‘Man Who Could Choke A Bear’ Servet
Galatasaray and Turkey defender Servet goes by many names: ‘Bionic Servet’ (due to his determination to play on despite serious injuries), ‘Terminator Servet’ (due to the scary face gear, as pictured, which he wore after his cheekbone was broken) and, most intriguingly, ‘ayibogan’, which apparently translates roughly as ‘man who could choke a bear’.
Anyway, let’s weigh up the contenders…
vs
Sky Sports should think quite seriously about obtaining the Pay Per View rights for this “clash”. Did You Smash It? reckons that the bear’s mighty swiping paws, and Servet’s evidently fallible cheekbone, should see to a comfortable victory for the 12 year-old ursine. Although, Didier Drogba did once say: “Servet is devilish. I could hear him breathe and it sent chills down the back of my neck.” So who knows how this one might pan out?
2. Fitz ‘One Size’ Hall
It’s still funny. Sort of.
3. Kiki ‘Chris’ Musampa
Think about it. There you go.
4. Ron ‘Chopper’ Harris
‘Chopper’ was a nickname bestowed upon the Chelsea defender in the 1960s due to the hardman ‘qualities’ he was wont to exhibit. Unfortunately, time and innuendo combined to sully the warm-hearted nature of this no doubt respectful nicknaming…
5. Norman ‘Bites Yer Legs’ Hunter
Another 1960s ‘hardman’, another kinky nickname. Just what were they getting up to in those communal baths?
6. Stuart ‘Jigsaw’ Barlow
So-called because he fell to pieces in the box. It was traditional for fans behind the goal to duck whenever the Everton forward was lining up a shot. Still, bless him.
7. Ivan ‘Bam Bam’ Zamorano
Can anyone enlighten us as to why the former Real Madrid and Inter striker has this nickname?
Is he named after:
Is he named after:
or
or
?
8. Gabriel ‘Batigol’ Batistuta
Again, time and slang have somewhat muddied (for want of a better word) the association with this adoringly-granted nickname.
9. Bryan ‘Captain Marvel’ Robson
A nickname that was entirely suitable during his playing heyday but, after a few managerial stints, began to take on more of an aura of this chap:
10. Dennis ‘The Non-Flying Dutchman’ Bergkamp
You know, because he’s Dutch. And he won’t get on a plane. And there was that mythical ghost ship and that.
This one. Wooooooooo!:
Marvellous.
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